The Third Place

The Third Place

If you can answer this question, I think it will solve a major problem in Senior Living. “If someone took my home from me, right now, where would I live, and how would I feel?”

If you’re anything like me, you’ll answer a friend or family member's place. But, for how long? And what if the reason that I needed a new place was because I lost my motor functions? Or what if I lost my sight, or it wasn’t safe for me to be alone? Or worse, what if - for seemingly no reason that I could identify - someone just came to me and said, “Matt, you can’t live here anymore. I found somewhere else for you to live.” Why? How?

This is exactly what we did to my parents. 

About a year ago I “helped” my parents move from the house that they lived in for most of their adult lives into a community. Prior to this, I tried to help by staying with them in my childhood home as much as I could, and other family members were doing even more than me. But it was obvious that they couldn’t be alone. After much debate, it was decided amongst the adult children that we needed to find them a more suitable place to live.

This was not easy, to say the least. The emotional aspects, the parent-child dynamics - so much of it was incredibly difficult. My parents were always independent, self-sufficient and in charge. My father was an amazing provider and my mother was a full time mom/grandma. How on earth was their youngest son going to make this happen?

During the process, all I could think was, we should’ve done this so much sooner. The short version of the story is they moved into a wonderful community - my mother’s health is better, and my father is grumpy but gets the attention and amenities he needs. And while they are both so much better off, it's not even debatable, they did not make this choice on their own.

Self-determination is everything.

Especially when you’ve raised 4 children, 13 grandchildren and been the center of everyone's universe for 50+ years. I can’t help but imagine what it would’ve been like had they chosen the place on their own.

What if they had had the opportunity to be members of a community long before they HAD to move in? If they had already been engaged with several communities in the area, the choice would’ve been theirs and not the complex, difficult choice of their adult children. What if they had already known everyone in the community. What if my father had been playing cards every week, and my mother helped in the garden. What if they had done wine tastings there, all on their own?

Welcome to the Third Place 

People talk about the “third place” - not your home, not your work, the third palace where you go that is your place.

A bar, restaurant, library, club, school. My parents' didn’t really have a second or third place. And as they got older, they even visited their family less, as everyone visited them instead. They only had one place - their house. And we had to take that one place away.

So, like many of your potential customers, they were forced into the move. They weren't excited about it. They weren’t self-determining. The community they moved into immediately had a feeling of negativity, of unwanted change, of loss. And no matter how good your teams are, it’s almost impossible to overcome that feeling. Even at best, it’s a resigned admission that it’s a good community and it’s nice - but there is a melancholy to this that is palpable, in many cases.

So…why isn’t your community anyone’s third place?

Why aren’t you inviting the people around you to come once a week for happy hour, or yoga, or do their OT/PT in your rehab room? Why aren’t they having a meal once a month in your dining room with their peers? Why aren’t they getting to know your marketing team well before they are ready to move in?

I can tell you this. I know one set of residents who would’ve benefitted tremendously from all of that. I know a man who would have been mayor of IL, and a woman who would’ve befriended everyone, shopped for them and made them feel as loved as she does everyone else she knows. Instead, it took the absolute need, the critical need, to force the move. A move my father resents, and my mother feels guilty about.

Open your doors, your events, your meals and your hospitality, there are a lot of people out there for you. And think about how much less you’ll have to spend on sales and marketing, as your pipeline will be filled beyond capacity.

More About the Third Place

The "third place" concept, developed by sociologist Ray Oldenburg in his 1989 book The Great Good Place, refers to social environments separate from the two primary environments of home ("first place") and work ("second place"). These informal, neutral, and accessible public spaces - such as cafes, parks, libraries, and pubs - are essential for building community, reducing loneliness, and fostering social connection.

www.brookings.edu/articles/third-places-as-community-builders/
www.thegoodtrade.com/features/third-place-community-spaces/
www.theatlantic.com/family/archive/2022/04/third-places-meet-new-people-pandemic/629468/

Learn how you can become the Third Place and see what is brewing with our customers taking this leap.